Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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