9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
