Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
