Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
