so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
