My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
