I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
