all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
