Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
