haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am spending my child support on dildos
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
