When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
soo... how was my night?
how does that bad decision feel?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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