You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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