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What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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