omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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