Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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