what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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