True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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