You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
