I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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