I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
