I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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