i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it because I queefed?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
