Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
