So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
