Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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