get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
