im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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