pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
