Just mADE A PArabola og urine
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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