im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need water and some morals
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
