i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
