ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
