He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
