Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
