Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
