Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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