Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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