New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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