All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
