you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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