Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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