it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
someone threw a dead crab at me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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