you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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