Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
