Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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