Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
