No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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