I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
