Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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