Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
