So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
