If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
