If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
