I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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